Jezebel faithful readers probably already know who is Marie Kondo. We have written about her and her book “The magic of the order” on several occasions. For those that don’t know it yet, it’s a home organization expert. Yes, that exists in countries where time is much more limited than money, such as United States and Japan, the country of origin of Kondo.
The basic principle of his method and that sets apart it from other schools in the home organization is not throw away things you don’t use, but select and keep only those that give you joy. Once in your home there are only things as well, you can find an appropriate site. Taking into account our buying habits, if we apply it faithfully, is very likely that our 70m 2 apartment is even spacious.
One of the most difficult aspects in the application of this method is the eternal question: What to do with gifts? The pink box tones given by your sister with the best intentions, your grandmother aunt Lladro porcelain, and Yes, your best Jewelry exercises figures a friend. You know what I mean, right? It is always difficult to get rid of something given by a beloved person, out of respect and out of fear of hurting their feelings.
The part of the book of Marie Kondo that precisely this issue is perhaps also the more liberating. According to her, “the real purpose of a gift is being received. Those present are not “things” but means to convey the feelings of someone. When considered from this perspective, don’t you feel guilty pulling a gift. Just thank you for the happiness that you gave when you received it. Of course it would be ideal to use with joy. But, surely, the person that you gave does not feel obliged to use it, nor to have it saved without using it only to feel guilty whenever you see it. When you dismiss it, also you do for love who gave it.”
Frankly, I doubt that my aunt grandmother sees it as well. However, this paragraph made me rethink my own way of making gifts and I’ve done all a list of errors we make when it comes to giving:
- We do not look at tastes and interests of the person for which we buy the gift. For the birthday of a girl who sent an invitation with the image of the Little Mermaid (I bought a Frozen gift. It was what more was in store. I still die of shame. And that little Mermaid I like much more.)
- We don’t spend time thinking about a gift and buy anything expensive or very expensive to compensate. (Once I gave a piano).
- We give away something that makes us happy purchase rather than something that illusion can make the other person. (Two people in my family have collectible beads bracelets because to my I like much.)
- We use the tradition of giving to give output to What we do for love. (Many women in my family have received scarves and shawls of point as a gift. From here I’d say I’m sorry and that it will not pass.)
- We take what should be a sign of love and appreciation as a tedious obligation. (Who thinks in love during a marathon to the malls a December 24?)
I have decided that from now on I will try to give otherwise. To begin with, I will always give of course the person who will receive my gift will not retain it. So I will try to do something special that can the Act of giving: choose something that is evocative, that create an emotional state; I will take care of packing so much as the Japanese do so unwrap all experience; I think the words that I would say at the time of giving. I want it to be an act of love and appreciation, not an absurd consumer game.
I will say that this is very difficult. It is. But I’d like to tell you the story the best gift I’ve received in my life and you will see that it is possible.
Once, many years, stole me the bag. Inside there was enough money, but what saddened me most was losing a Ribbon with The Tower of Songs, a tribute album to Leonard Cohen, my favorite at the time. It was old, purchased abroad, impossible to find.
Many months later, at Christmas, one of the gifts that I received from my boyfriend was an envelope with a note: “your gift has not arrived yet, is underway. I found your album of Leonard Cohen in a web of discontinued items.”
The tape never came. At the end they also had her in that web. I do not keep the note. But No I will never forget this gift I have not even received.
Or yes I have received it?… Because most valuable to the tape itself was knowing that a person paying attention when I was talking about of what happened to me; He decided to do something about it; that was months stirring internet looking for that album.
Best example I can think of love and generosity.